i absolutely dread feedback even though a) I ask for it and b) I know it will make me better. I hate that my first inclination is to get defensive and justify my wrongheadedness.
I just love the way you write! You also have a lovely voice! I can only hope that one day I will have my own blog where I can lay out my thoughts. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to meet you. ❤️
Cosmina, thanks so much. I was so impressed by you and all the amazing women at RBOS. I tell people about you guys all the time - my incredible Romanian colleagues. And all you need is the desire to blog and you’ll get there. I have no doubt you will be great!
Sue.........I recently received indirect feedback from a friend who was talking to now another ex-friend about my grieving situation. The feedback was: "He just needs to get on with it!!" My immediate reaction was: "I hope he comes home and finds his loving partner dead on the floor." That made me feel really ashamed of myself for thinking that. However that WAS my immediate reaction on that "Feedback!!"
It's only in the past year or two that I've really started to recognize defensiveness in my own (and others') reactions to challenging feedback—so I especially appreciate hearing about your own journey with it here.
The piece of advice about defensiveness that I found most helpful—which, of course, is the same piece of advice that I hate the most—is that a defensive reaction tends to decrease the odds that you'll get honest feedback in the future. Previously, I thought defensiveness wasn't *that* harmful; after hearing this, my thinking shifted quite a bit.
Great point Maddie, when we want to get better, we can’t make the feedback giver feel sorry for their bravery. And also it’s just hard to hear when our hands are over our ears in defensiveness. I like thinking of feedback in terms of defensiveness....it’s such a tangible thing to focus on in our own brains. Thanks for the wisdom!
What a great idea Leon, to bring your mum! And what a wonderful way to care for you - to help you see what the psychiatrist was actually saying, not what your brain wanted you to believe. What a great tool for all our toolkits - bringing a loved one with us. Thanks for sharing this! And go mum!
i absolutely dread feedback even though a) I ask for it and b) I know it will make me better. I hate that my first inclination is to get defensive and justify my wrongheadedness.
Yep, one of the conundrums of being human - I’m totally with you Chris!
I just love the way you write! You also have a lovely voice! I can only hope that one day I will have my own blog where I can lay out my thoughts. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to meet you. ❤️
Cosmina, thanks so much. I was so impressed by you and all the amazing women at RBOS. I tell people about you guys all the time - my incredible Romanian colleagues. And all you need is the desire to blog and you’ll get there. I have no doubt you will be great!
Sue.........I recently received indirect feedback from a friend who was talking to now another ex-friend about my grieving situation. The feedback was: "He just needs to get on with it!!" My immediate reaction was: "I hope he comes home and finds his loving partner dead on the floor." That made me feel really ashamed of myself for thinking that. However that WAS my immediate reaction on that "Feedback!!"
Thanks Sue........Don Leedy, West Chester, OH
It's only in the past year or two that I've really started to recognize defensiveness in my own (and others') reactions to challenging feedback—so I especially appreciate hearing about your own journey with it here.
The piece of advice about defensiveness that I found most helpful—which, of course, is the same piece of advice that I hate the most—is that a defensive reaction tends to decrease the odds that you'll get honest feedback in the future. Previously, I thought defensiveness wasn't *that* harmful; after hearing this, my thinking shifted quite a bit.
Great point Maddie, when we want to get better, we can’t make the feedback giver feel sorry for their bravery. And also it’s just hard to hear when our hands are over our ears in defensiveness. I like thinking of feedback in terms of defensiveness....it’s such a tangible thing to focus on in our own brains. Thanks for the wisdom!
What a great idea Leon, to bring your mum! And what a wonderful way to care for you - to help you see what the psychiatrist was actually saying, not what your brain wanted you to believe. What a great tool for all our toolkits - bringing a loved one with us. Thanks for sharing this! And go mum!