Sue, once again your words make me feel heard in a world that often doesn’t seem to understand the complexities of deep love and deep loss. Many of my friends and family are baffled by my lack of interest in finding another partner—which hurts my heart in a deeply visceral way. They don’t understand. I, too, don’t miss having a partner. I miss having Phil. Thank you also for the reminder that surrounding oneself with community is a vital part of living a fulfilled life, with or without a partner.
Kathleen, thanks so much for this. We widows confuse people a lot - but if they can just listen closely to us, they don’t have to understand....they just have to support what we know works for us. I’m with you!
Loved the dry cleaning lady comment to you!!!! Just this week my wife and I offered to a friend to share Thanksgiving dinner with our family. Community!! She and her daughter are going through what have to heart wrenching decisions separating from a decidedly bad time with her former husband. My impression is although early in the change, we know her as strong, and always has been open to new people and circumstances, ( her husband is also, but in his case, maybe too open, therefore the problem ). I told her I see it as not an issue of growing up, but of not accepting that we all age, and we all have to agree with ourselves to start growing older. But I mean growing older is not cutting off any of life’s possibilities, ; but to grasp, to enjoy, to live life in those moments as new and as precious as if we were a teenager!
On my short list of things I REALLY look forward to on the weekends is catching up with you and my reading of the latest "Sue at The Luminist" ...as we've discussed before, divorce has many parallels with becoming a widow, especially when the loss is sudden, profound and surprising as the "dumped" one.
After attempts at resuming a life among the living and dating world, albeit too soon, I think I've finally reached a point where I allowed myself to be the blank canvas....I am still there and at peace for what it is, and is not=as the blank canvas is to me a metaphor for my singleness but not loneliness. My reflective oneness to look inside and be better and allow the void to be filled, or not, of its own volition....being a recovering alcoholic for over 30 years now it strikes me as humorous how sometimes I forget that when I impose my will it usually doesn't bode well for me. My spirituality needs a kick in the ass every once in a while and I have to remember that it's a God of my understanding that is in control of everything, not me.
Sue, once again your words make me feel heard in a world that often doesn’t seem to understand the complexities of deep love and deep loss. Many of my friends and family are baffled by my lack of interest in finding another partner—which hurts my heart in a deeply visceral way. They don’t understand. I, too, don’t miss having a partner. I miss having Phil. Thank you also for the reminder that surrounding oneself with community is a vital part of living a fulfilled life, with or without a partner.
Kathleen, thanks so much for this. We widows confuse people a lot - but if they can just listen closely to us, they don’t have to understand....they just have to support what we know works for us. I’m with you!
Loved the dry cleaning lady comment to you!!!! Just this week my wife and I offered to a friend to share Thanksgiving dinner with our family. Community!! She and her daughter are going through what have to heart wrenching decisions separating from a decidedly bad time with her former husband. My impression is although early in the change, we know her as strong, and always has been open to new people and circumstances, ( her husband is also, but in his case, maybe too open, therefore the problem ). I told her I see it as not an issue of growing up, but of not accepting that we all age, and we all have to agree with ourselves to start growing older. But I mean growing older is not cutting off any of life’s possibilities, ; but to grasp, to enjoy, to live life in those moments as new and as precious as if we were a teenager!
Stephen, love how you and your wife are stepping in to support your friend and her daughter. This is so important, just to DO something to help!
Totally agree Leon!
Another great post! I might have to create a Sue section in my Saturday newsletter :)
On my short list of things I REALLY look forward to on the weekends is catching up with you and my reading of the latest "Sue at The Luminist" ...as we've discussed before, divorce has many parallels with becoming a widow, especially when the loss is sudden, profound and surprising as the "dumped" one.
After attempts at resuming a life among the living and dating world, albeit too soon, I think I've finally reached a point where I allowed myself to be the blank canvas....I am still there and at peace for what it is, and is not=as the blank canvas is to me a metaphor for my singleness but not loneliness. My reflective oneness to look inside and be better and allow the void to be filled, or not, of its own volition....being a recovering alcoholic for over 30 years now it strikes me as humorous how sometimes I forget that when I impose my will it usually doesn't bode well for me. My spirituality needs a kick in the ass every once in a while and I have to remember that it's a God of my understanding that is in control of everything, not me.