Sue - this might be my favorite post yet! So often we react to a lifequake and feel unable to do anything, let alone think that someday there might be a way to move forward. It took me many years to figure out how my circumstances could be transformed into something productive.
When you turn this site into a book someday, this topic should be the central theme!
Coincidentally, I’m reading this book right now, and at this point have highlighted so many passages that my highlights have become all but meaningless. And here, you’ve penned such a fiery, personal take on Bruce’s research that I wish I could highlight my entire iPhone screen, too. Your writing is brilliant, and I feel lucky to have been introduced to it today! Sending you warm wishes as you navigate your next lifequake.
While not denying that life is what we choose to make of it, I sometimes think that people who have just had this realisation oversimplify considerably. Trauma leaves scars. They can show up when you least expect them to.
I'll give you an example: a friend went through a terrible divorce some years ago, losing custody of his son. His ex moved to another continent, taking their child with her (he'd been a stay at home dad up to that point). It was traumatising, but he needed a home and money to pay bills, so he dug deep, chose life, and soldiered on.
Some years later he met someone new. Although he was nervous of committing again, he chose positivity and they got engaged. He immediately fell into a severe depression. Why? Because he had finally been given space to grieve what had happened all those years ago. Telling him that he needed to choose positivity wouldn't have helped. He needed to process those emotions.
So, yes, we do control our reactions to some extent, but sometimes being in control is just another way of denying reality in an attempt to hold back the tide.
Sue - this might be my favorite post yet! So often we react to a lifequake and feel unable to do anything, let alone think that someday there might be a way to move forward. It took me many years to figure out how my circumstances could be transformed into something productive.
When you turn this site into a book someday, this topic should be the central theme!
Coincidentally, I’m reading this book right now, and at this point have highlighted so many passages that my highlights have become all but meaningless. And here, you’ve penned such a fiery, personal take on Bruce’s research that I wish I could highlight my entire iPhone screen, too. Your writing is brilliant, and I feel lucky to have been introduced to it today! Sending you warm wishes as you navigate your next lifequake.
I need to come back and read this when I have more time. Thank you so much! Have a great weekend.
While not denying that life is what we choose to make of it, I sometimes think that people who have just had this realisation oversimplify considerably. Trauma leaves scars. They can show up when you least expect them to.
I'll give you an example: a friend went through a terrible divorce some years ago, losing custody of his son. His ex moved to another continent, taking their child with her (he'd been a stay at home dad up to that point). It was traumatising, but he needed a home and money to pay bills, so he dug deep, chose life, and soldiered on.
Some years later he met someone new. Although he was nervous of committing again, he chose positivity and they got engaged. He immediately fell into a severe depression. Why? Because he had finally been given space to grieve what had happened all those years ago. Telling him that he needed to choose positivity wouldn't have helped. He needed to process those emotions.
So, yes, we do control our reactions to some extent, but sometimes being in control is just another way of denying reality in an attempt to hold back the tide.
If you need to grieve, grieve. Good luck.