If you can learn from “failure” without self-judgment, you can be resilient.
Reading the other comments, congratulations on the WSJ coverage! Another great piece, Sue. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything right, all the time? (And it's not just us, but others putting the pressure.) When I first saw Nerf on playgrounds I thought, "How horrible!" (Not a mom, but a former kid.) I thought children were being robbed of another chance to learn resilience, and part of resilience is learning not to fall again -- but knowing that, if you did, it will hurt, you will recover, there might be a scar, but so what? You'll be okay. Life is joy and pain intertwined. We have to learn to accept and appreciate that. And we need to learn how to support people when they are in the you-know-what (I really can't believe what that acquaintance said to you in the garage!!!). xo
Thanks for another thought-provoking article, Sue! I tend to find solace in energy work, so when things begin to feel a little "too much" in my world, I turn to practices like Reiki, Qigong, or yoga to help reorient me back to myself and my inner wisdom (as well as help calm my often overreactive nervous system!) :)
I also came across the luminist via WSJ and I’m stucked! I really enjoy the way …how you write in general, the depth in how you describe things ! I lost my brother - in cancer- 10 years ago (he was not only my brother but also a friend. We did almost everything together, even though he was 8 years older).
Hi Sue, found your blog via the WSJ Mansion article on Friday. Enjoy your writing as you journey thru what C.S. Lewis called grief in A Grief Observed - "fear". Blessings on you and your children.
I loved this post. I love that we can find the strength somewhere to thrive, but that it isn’t a recipe or a competition. It’s us in our most authentic state.
Sue.......I came across your Luminist through the article in the Wall Street Journal this past Friday. I am 80 years old and just lost the love of my life after being together in a perfect relationship for 22 years. Yes, it took me 58 years to find my sweet Joan!! I am going to be catching up with your posts. I am only through Number 2. I think your writings will be very helpful for me. It's been 5 months and the emotional pain just doesn't seem to want to go away.
Thanks.........Don Leedy, West Chester, OH
Death and divorce are NOT the same; maybe, surprisingly, the stages one goes through after that loss are. I'm going into 17th year since my divorce and still surprise myself how much I still need different tools in my toolkit for "dealing" with it. My children are full-grown and amazing. And although I am fulfilled and an empty-nester, I am not lonely. As the Stoics believe, when everything around you seems out of control, one only needs to look inward for peace of mind and solace.
I only recently discovered your blog, Sue, and find much that resonates with me; with your loss, struggles and wisdom gained from dealing with all of it... Thanks, I'm a fan!
Resilience is many different things to different people, even to the same person across different contexts or life phases.
My resilience through a life threatening accident several years ago, or during my critical encounter with covid in 2021, pretty long long-Corona thereafter, and even now as I am reeling in repeat covid encounter while still nursing multiple post-covid effects from last time — is so different from what I feel in my grief journey as a bereaved mother.
One thing is true though all across as Dr George Bonanno & you out so eloquently —that resilience does show up in one way or another.
Many thanks Sue for your touchingly brave & inspiring posts.